REAL Ultimate Orthodox Power!!!!

NOTICE: What follows here is meant only to be a joke. I am only trying to poke fun at myself, and other people who may take themselves too seriously. Lord have mercy on all of us.

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Are you ready to get pumped?
If "Yes," then continue. If "No," then you're a little baby.

Hi, this Blog is all about Orthodox, REAL ORTHODOX. This Blog is awesome. My name is Sam (REAL ORTHODOX name SAMONAS) and I can't stop thinking about Orthodox. These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.

Facts:

1. Orthodox are mammals.
2. Orthodox use incense ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the Orthodox is to flip out and destroy heretics (may they be anathema).

Weapons and gear:


Orthodox Incense


Orthodox Prayer Rope


Orthodox Hat


Orthodox Beard


Orthodox Fire


Orthodox Jesus


St. Nicholas

Testimonial:

Orthodox can destroy any heretic they want! Orthodox anathematize ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this Orthodox who was fasting. And when some dude ate a cheese pizza the Orthodox anathematized the whole town. My friend Vasily said that he saw an Orthodox totally uppercut some kid just because the kid wanted milk.

And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't believe that Orthodox have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or St. Nicholas will punch you in the face!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me.

Orthodox are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to grow a beard. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that's a fact. Orthodox are beardly/holy, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can't wait to start reading the Philokalia.


Q and A:.

Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about Orthodox?
A: Orthodox are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they're the Undefiled Pure Faith of the Apostles, but on the other hand, they don't give a crap.

Q: I heard that Orthodox are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total heterodox (may they be anathema). Just like other mammals, Orthodox can be mean OR totally awesome.

Q: What do Orthodox do when they're not punching people in the face or flipping out?
A: Most of their free time is spent chanting the Akathist Hymn to Our All-Holy Immaculate Most Blessed and Glorious Lady Theotokos and Ever-Virgin Mary, but sometime they anathematize. (Ask Vasily if you don't believe me.)


This is a picture of my best friend Vasily showing off. His beard is a lot bigger than mine which is bragable.